I’m really trying to keep this up

How do people have kids?  Well, I mean women.

Ugh.  I need a good starting place.  Let me start over.

I went to dinner with my coworker last night.  I really enjoy her company because she’s intelligent and put together but also fun.  So over drinks we were talking about feminism and I mentioned that I kind of go against feminism.  It’s not that I oppose it, just my actions and thoughts.  I explained to her, that due to my upbringing and whatever is in my brain/DNA/whatever, I’m compelled to be a caregiver.  Which means home cooking/cleaning/all house upkeep etc etc and work.  To which she pointed out that it’s still my choice, which is TRUE.

However, it’s not so much my choice as I just feel a compelling drive to do it.  I don’t even think those words  accurately describe the magnetic pull that I feel.  For example, on weekends, the boyfriend and I go out drinking or we just sit at home at drink.  We have a dog, who sleeps in a kennel.  I can stay up until 5am and at 8am, my hungover, bleary eyes open wide and I jump out of bed to let the dog out and feed her.  And then I proceed to pick up the house, make breakfast and so on and so forth, while he peacefully sleeps until 10am or whenever he feels appropriate.

My boyfriend does not ask me to do these things, as I said, it’s a compulsion.  And often, it’s a stress inducing compulsion.  Also, he probably just allows me to do them because, why not?!

Which brings me back to my original question: How do people (women) have kids?  How do single women have kids?! That thought is enough to drive me to insanity.  Here’s a brief (I went back to read through this and thought, LOL this example is not brief, but whatever, fuck it) example of my day:

Morning: I wake up at 7:30.  Take the dog out (if boyfriend isn’t already up and hasn’t already done so).  Feed and water cat and dog.  Scoop cat shit box, while she runs around me crying, similar to a child I would imagine but harrier and likes to fuck my carpet up.  Brush and kind of half-ass style hair.  Half-ass put on make.  Put on half-ass business-y type clothes.  Full-ass brush teeth.  Grab or make lunch.  Maybe take the dog out again, depending on bf.  Leave by 8:30 to be at work by 9.

Workday: I work from 9-5:30.

After work: Go to the gym for approx 30-60 mins, depending on my motivation for the day.  Come home, quickly shower (arrive home between 630-7).  Make dinner.  I often try to prep some of next day’s dinner the night before, so we don’t eat at 9pm.  Eat dinner around 8pm.  Clean up dinner feverishly because I hate things sitting around.  Attempt to prep dinner or meal plan for next day.  By this time, it’s between 830-9 and I’m exhausted.  I sit down for a bit of computer or TV time.

I go to bed pretty promptly at 11pm.  So I have anywhere between 2 – 2 1/2 hours of “free” time.  Which I just sighed deeply at,  Wtf would I do if I had kids?! WHERE DO THEY FIT IN THERE (vagina jokes aside)?!?!

This is where my mind starts to wonder about the 9-5 grind and society and status quo, etc etc.  But I’ll save that for another time.

Reminder to self for future blog: 9-5 grind, bf asking if my blog is me complaining.  It’s not.  Kind of…

Peace, y’all!

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