Case of the Monday’s

I’m not quite sure why I went with that title, I was actually off work today.  I am however, really tired from my weekend of doing nothing.  Saturday was the 4th and I didn’t even get dressed or put a bra on.  We grilled, drank, etc. I think I’m actually tired from doing nothing all weekend.

I do think that we should have 4 day work weeks. I would be SO much more productive, I feel.  Aren’t there studies about that?  Why hasn’t that been embraced?  I would also imagine it cuts down on employees taking days off.

Our culture is so strange to me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m glad I was born here.  And I know other countries have some fucked up shit going on too.  But still.  We could chill a little.

To be honest, I don’t have a lot to say today.

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Sunday Funday

I don’t have a lot to say today because I’m hungover today.  We went to Lobster Fest last night.  It was $40 for a 1.5lb lobster and unlimited drinks.  Pretty good deal, if you ask me.  It was delicious.  So I drank and ate way too much.  Which also means I got all drunk and bitchy.  Sorry, boyfriend!

Garren’s parents are coming next weekend.  We have a lot to do before they come.  When we moved, we never set up the guest bedroom.  We’ve used it as our closet and beer room lol.  The closet in our room it tiny.  So, that sucks.  But it needs to get done anyway, so at least this will make us do it.  I’m pretty excited actually.  I really like Garren’s family.

My brain doesn’t work correctly when I’m hungover.  But I do have one thing to say.  Everyone is talking about this shooting in Charleston.  It’s very sad.  However, the media is out of fucking control.  They keep calling it a “hate crime”.  Which I understand means a crime that was motivated by prejudice.  BUT…what the fuck crime is ever committed out of love?  Our media seriously needs to stop sensationalizing violence.  We’re not Charleston Strong or Boston Strong.  We’re fucking human strong and we need to start acting like humans instead of assholes.  Our culture is so fucked up.  I cannot believe that I live in a country that puts on such a bold, proud face, when in reality we’re all cowards in the face of true, positive change.

I’m not saying I’m any better.  I’m definitely not.  I’m just sitting here typing words no one is going to read or care about and doing nothing just like everyone else.  The thing is, I’m not sure what do about it.  I mean, I’m not committing any crimes of any sort, so I’m not part of the problem.  But I’m not being part of a solution either.  And what is the solution?  I feel we’re on the verge of a change, but that we may never actually get there, you know?  And I don’t know what to do to propel the change.

There are a lot of things in our country that are super fucked up and wrong.  I mean, that’s true for all countries.  I’m thankful that I was born here.  I think our first move toward improvement of our country is definitely for everyone to be cohesive and love one another.  I mean, I guess I can do my part.  And try to influence others.  But I feel we need something bigger in order to unite everyone.

But what?

OH man.

I’m failing on that daily blogging thing, eh?  Tied in with my last post, I’ve been busy.  And tired.  Life is tiring.  But I’m very grateful I have life to be tired by.

Here’s a quick summary of what I’ve been up to.  Let me forewarn you, it’s definitely not anything overly exciting.

Saturday I worked.  I work some weekends (one day), and then I have a day off during the week.  I actually really like it a lot, since I get more done during a weekday off than I do on a weekend day.  After work, I went out with boyfriend’s cousin and some of her friends.  We did the girl thing; dinner, drinks, etc.  It was nice hanging out with girls and wandering around a new town.  Boyfriend’s cousin’s friend lives about 40 mins away.  It’s a really neat town, actually.  I wish we could live there, but it’s outside the county we have to live in for boyfriend’s job.  Also it was just nice being around girls and new people.  I love the boyfriend, but we spend an overwhelming amount of time together right now, since we don’t know a lot of people here yet.

Sunday I woke up kind of hungover.  I came home around midnight Saturday night and proceeded to drink a bunch of vodka.  I don’t always make the best decisions.  I wasn’t too bad Sunday though.  I powered through by chugging water and having some Soylent.  If you don’t know what Soylent is (no, not Soylent Green), I highly suggest you look in to it.  I’m kind of obsessed.  After than, I went to the gym and grabbed some sushi takeout.  Watched some WWE Money in the Bank PPV.  Boyfriend is a big WWE fan, and I’m not into TV much, so I’m a fan now too.  It’s pretty entertaining and to me, TV is mostly just background noise.  I have hard to engaging myself in TV or movies.  I have shows I really like but, for the most part, I kind of leave it on and listen.

Monday to today was the same ol shit.  Work, gym, shower, dinner, prep, sit.  Last week at work was pretty great.  I’m in sales.  This week is pretty fucking terrible.  Which sucks, because we have a lot of money going out to a lot of places.  I try really hard not to stress about money, since we both do fairly well, but it’s like this big, stupid, thing.  And I’m a very strong believer in experiences over things and quality of life over….well, working yourself to death.

I’m very grateful for my current job really.  As long as I work 35+ hours/week (really 40 unless there’s some good excuse), we’re pretty open.  So I can take days off and work a weekend or whatever.  And in doing that, I don’t have to use vacation days either.  It is pretty sweet, but I also have to like, make sales or I’m poor lol.  But I have been doing fairly decent since I started.

I guess I’ll in a round-about way streamline this blog toward money and society or something. Today, so many of us are forever bound by debt.  Even those of who are responsible have debt.  Mostly student debt, which I won’t get too far into because it’s insanely infuriating to me.

Money is a funny thing, isn’t it?

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I’m sure you’ve seen this picture.  Image is clearly not mine.  I take no credit.  But, how true is that statement?  And really, it should be $100 bill.  After all, what can you even buy with $1 anymore?  Nothing you need, that’s for sure.

I would love to live “off the grid”.  However, I’m really obsessed with my family and civilization.  So, I’ve come up with another life goal.  I want a tiny house.  One of those little, adorable, semi off-the-grid homes that I can move around the country.  I’m just so tired of shit. Shit everywhere.  Clothes, shoes, books, dvds, shit shit shit.  I’ve moved so much over the past 4 years or so, that I’m just over it.  Not to mention, with a tiny house, many costs are eliminated or at least minimized.

I have a lot of things to accomplish before a tiny house is anywhere in my future.  But it’s something I definitely want and am working towards.  I do want to have kids (or A kid).  So I have to take that into consideration.  Not to mention, boyfriend has to be OK with it.  If we have kids.  If we get married, etc etc.  Some companion has to be OK with it.  I like companions.

It’s just such a freeing concept.  I’ve always been afraid to be anchored to a location.  The world is so big.  And I’ve probably only seen about 1%.  Why build this big house and this big life and not see anything else?  It doesn’t make sense to me.

I’m tiring out right now, but at some point, I’ll get in to traveling and what I’d really like to do.  Which is pretty unlikely, but just a big kid talking about ideas 🙂

Peace y’all!

I might not have anything to say

I plan on trying to blog daily or every other day.  Just to review my mind set day to day.

Today I’m insanely tired.  I didn’t sleep much last night.  Garren and I had a long discussion.  I won’t get into details because I’m not all about putting business where it doesn’t belong.  So I’ll just say that we were up late.  Poor guy had to get up earlier than me and work later than me 😦 I’m really happy for his new job, I think it’s a good thing, but sometimes it really sucks.  Like now.

Which leads me to a blog topic.  Men and emotions.  I find, in my personal experiences, that men are either overly sensitive or not sensitive enough.  I’m not down with a guy that cries all the time.  I cry enough for the both of us.  I’m not saying it’s NOT ok for men to cry.  It most definitely is.  However, there is such thing as too much crying.  Depending on my emotional state, I can cry anywhere from once a week, which is probably average,  to several days in a row.  It’s good to acknowledge your emotions, feel them, release them, and move forward.  Sometimes it take more than one good cry.

Garren is very stoic.  Which can leave me frustrated.  Sometimes I just need a fucking hug.  Not when I’m crying, “do you want a hug”?  Are you fucking stupid?! Yes.  I want a hug.  Don’t be moronic.  ALL women would want to hug.  Not to mention, we’ve been together for 2 years.  Stop being an asshole and hug me and don’t ask asinine questions.  But for the most part, when it comes down to it, and I’m really upset, he’s pretty caring.  I can definitely let my emotions get the best of me.

I’m going to Segway this just blabber aimlessly.

I feel that as I’ve aged, I’ve come to understand myself and my emotions a lot better.  When I was younger, I felt very out of touch with myself.  I was very negative.  Every day was a “bad” day.  Now, every day I work to make it a good day.  And if it was a “bad” day, I move forward.

I’ve always had a pretty bad temper.  I’ve also learned that anger is a very easy emotion to feel.  It “protects” you.  But it’s a weak emotion.  This kind of leads me back to my mention of men and emotions. Garren sees emotions in terms of black and white.  Sometimes when I’m sad, irritated, hurt, Garren classifies all of those are mad.  But I’m rarely mad.  I’ve tried to explain that to him, but he doesn’t seem to understand or thinks I’m lying.  I’m not quite sure how to make him understand.

That being said, I’m a much happier person than I used to be.  Life is always good.  If you’re alive, it’s good.  Every experience you have is teaching you to grow as a person.  And your response either aids or hinders your growth.  Even if it hinders, you’ll be presented with the opportunity to learn again.  That’s all life is.

That being said, it’s all a learning process.  And I’m dealing with it right now.  This is the 2nd place I’ve lived away from home.  I lived near my hometown for 26 years.  Starting over is one thing.  Starting over with someone else, my boyfriend, is another.  We only have each other to hang out with.  I’ve made some friends at work, but he mainly works by himself.  We’re not used to spending so much time together.  I love living with him and coming home to him.  But it was nice when we had our own lives.  It has made me realize how grateful I am for him, as much time as we spend together now, we definitely don’t fight every day.  We’ve lived here for 3 months and it’s been great.  We love the town we live in.  We like our jobs.  All in all, it’s good 🙂  It’s just a learning process.  A tough one! But I’m up for the challenge.

Bliss Diary – June 11th, 2015

🙂 Yes!

Alexandra Jaye Johnson

None of us have enough time, yet we all have the same amount. It is time that we quit whining about this and accept that we can’t get it all done and just do what we can. — Maria Cilley

Affirmation/Intention: I have plenty of time and energy to do everything I desire to do. I rest in each moment with presence, love and gratitude.

Nutrition:
7:30 am
at tea (coconut milk, ghee, collagen, cacao, peppermint, stevia)
12:00 pm Salad bars (as my son calls them) – mixed greens, avocado, coconut aminos, lemon all mashed up with my hands and then wrapped in nori sheets
1:30 pm 3 coconut macaroons + lemonade (water, lemons, stevia)
3:45 pm Iced maca coco shake
6:45 pm Salmon w/chard + spinach with some cucumbers and lentil dip

Yummy Toddler Shake:
1/2 banana
1/4 c. coconut milk
1/4 c. water
2 tsp carob
2 tsp…

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I’m really trying to keep this up

How do people have kids?  Well, I mean women.

Ugh.  I need a good starting place.  Let me start over.

I went to dinner with my coworker last night.  I really enjoy her company because she’s intelligent and put together but also fun.  So over drinks we were talking about feminism and I mentioned that I kind of go against feminism.  It’s not that I oppose it, just my actions and thoughts.  I explained to her, that due to my upbringing and whatever is in my brain/DNA/whatever, I’m compelled to be a caregiver.  Which means home cooking/cleaning/all house upkeep etc etc and work.  To which she pointed out that it’s still my choice, which is TRUE.

However, it’s not so much my choice as I just feel a compelling drive to do it.  I don’t even think those words  accurately describe the magnetic pull that I feel.  For example, on weekends, the boyfriend and I go out drinking or we just sit at home at drink.  We have a dog, who sleeps in a kennel.  I can stay up until 5am and at 8am, my hungover, bleary eyes open wide and I jump out of bed to let the dog out and feed her.  And then I proceed to pick up the house, make breakfast and so on and so forth, while he peacefully sleeps until 10am or whenever he feels appropriate.

My boyfriend does not ask me to do these things, as I said, it’s a compulsion.  And often, it’s a stress inducing compulsion.  Also, he probably just allows me to do them because, why not?!

Which brings me back to my original question: How do people (women) have kids?  How do single women have kids?! That thought is enough to drive me to insanity.  Here’s a brief (I went back to read through this and thought, LOL this example is not brief, but whatever, fuck it) example of my day:

Morning: I wake up at 7:30.  Take the dog out (if boyfriend isn’t already up and hasn’t already done so).  Feed and water cat and dog.  Scoop cat shit box, while she runs around me crying, similar to a child I would imagine but harrier and likes to fuck my carpet up.  Brush and kind of half-ass style hair.  Half-ass put on make.  Put on half-ass business-y type clothes.  Full-ass brush teeth.  Grab or make lunch.  Maybe take the dog out again, depending on bf.  Leave by 8:30 to be at work by 9.

Workday: I work from 9-5:30.

After work: Go to the gym for approx 30-60 mins, depending on my motivation for the day.  Come home, quickly shower (arrive home between 630-7).  Make dinner.  I often try to prep some of next day’s dinner the night before, so we don’t eat at 9pm.  Eat dinner around 8pm.  Clean up dinner feverishly because I hate things sitting around.  Attempt to prep dinner or meal plan for next day.  By this time, it’s between 830-9 and I’m exhausted.  I sit down for a bit of computer or TV time.

I go to bed pretty promptly at 11pm.  So I have anywhere between 2 – 2 1/2 hours of “free” time.  Which I just sighed deeply at,  Wtf would I do if I had kids?! WHERE DO THEY FIT IN THERE (vagina jokes aside)?!?!

This is where my mind starts to wonder about the 9-5 grind and society and status quo, etc etc.  But I’ll save that for another time.

Reminder to self for future blog: 9-5 grind, bf asking if my blog is me complaining.  It’s not.  Kind of…

Peace, y’all!

Here’s a good example of my life

Every night my boyfriend watches TV and while I passively watch and read dumb shit on the Internet.  We have mundane conversations or I talk at him and he doesn’t even pretend to listen.  This doesn’t bother me, because I talk a lot and it’s mostly just filler.

When I was a kid I was always told I liked to “hear myself talk”.  That was probably true then and still true today.

Tonights topic of talking at him consisted of  two things:

1. How many trips I have over the next year (one of my best friends is expecting her 1st child, the other is getting married…plus going home to see my family) and how it’s stressing me out.  Which makes no sense to him, he can’t wrap his head around stressing over events that will take place a year from now.  I guess that’s probably the sane way of looking at things.

2.  What I did on my off day today.  I work some Saturdays, so I get a day off during the week.  This conversation went as follows:

Me: “I think I’m going to get some freeze pops when I go to the grocery store next”.

Boyfriend: “Like, popsicles? Didn’t your brother used to basically live off those”?

M: “Yeah, but I was going to get the sugar free kind because they have less calories.  I was going to go to the grocery store today, because I left to go to WalMart and the gym and the grocery store. But when I got to WalMart I realized I forgot my glasses and it stresses me out when I don’t have my glasses in a store because I can only see what’s right in front of me and it’s so big in there, it’s overwhelming.  Also, I only needed a few things from the grocery store, so I figured I’d wait until I needed more than just a few things…”

B: says nothing.

M: “You’re not listening are you”?

B: “No, I just have nothing to say because that’s dumb”.

M: “Whatever”.

End scene.

There’s a lovely peak into my life.